I Just Watched (Films)

[Raid]

I've been waiting for Amazon to give it a rental option for ages, and they've finally done it, so I guess that's my saturday film sorted.

[Alan]

The Witches 2020
Anne Hathaway is bloody awful, the cg is bloody awful and there is just no dread at all in what should be a kids horror.


The Witches 1990
Just had to make sure and yes it’s still great. The Henson effects are fantastic and it’s actually scary, at least for a kid. It also has a great creepy feeling with things like the kids in the painting. When the grandmothers childhood friend gets snatched it’s genuinely unsettling where in the remake she gets given a chocolate that turns her into a chicken and I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be funny or serious. Sure there are a bunch of things that are hokey and ropey both of it’s time and not but it’s just night and day between this and the remake.

I’m not sure if it’s that they think kids can’t take horror these days or they are just inept at making it. The most recent good kids horror I can remember is The Spiderwick Chronicles and that was over a decade ago!

[Lenny Solidus]

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

Stop the Marvel movie train, I want to get off. An attempt was made to categorise all the things wrong with this disaster of a movie, but I got so bored with my own words I will now instead resign myself to doing the following reactionary take, because that's all it deserves.

[Snowy]

I have generally not really liked the Marvel films, those that I have seen anyhow. I did see some of a Doctor Strange film but a completely batshit story and Benedict Cumberbatch overacting as usual, it was switched off before I was 15 minutes in.

What I have always wondered is, given the wealth of subject matter that made these superhero characters so loved, why did they not lift some of the most loved of the stories from the comic books and transfer them to film. I mean, it isn't like they are averse to using content from the comics - look how often we have had to sit through another bloody iteration of Batman/Spiderman's pissing origin story (please, never do it again).

[Wrathbone]

What I have always wondered is, given the wealth of subject matter that made these superhero characters so loved, why did they not lift some of the most loved of the stories from the comic books and transfer them to film.

They have.

Off the top of my head, Iron Man 3, Civil War and Infinity War are loosely based on comics that I've read (and I've not read many). There are probably others too.

[Solitaire]

What kills me about the Marvel movies is, well, a couple things actually. The smarmy, stupid, insufferable jokes do nothing for me except make steam come from my ears. The fight scenes are all just ridiculous, since everyone is invincible - just pointing laser beams and jets of plasma from hands at one another, or getting tossed through entire buildings, whatever. It's all boring nonsense. There's no tension at all. At least in the old Superman movies, we could expect a scene involving kryptonite for a few minutes. First Iron Man was fun thanks to RDJ's delivery of his lines. And yeah, Ian, I don't want to even hear the names Batman or Spiderman again in my lifetime. Why in the hell did they muddy up the whole works, retelling origin stories? /grumbles in old man noises while wandering away from the podium

[Wrathbone]

For what it’s worth, the new Batman film is mercifully origin-free.

[Alan]

I think the thing is the people saying how amazing comic book stories are the same people saying Final Fantasy 7 is one of the greatest stories ever told.

[Wrathbone]

I would say FF7 has a great story, but I wouldn't argue that it's one of the greatest ever told. But the key thing is that it's a great story for the mode of storytelling and the intended audience, which is the same for the MCU. I think most horror films are boring, cheaply-considered shite, but I get that horror fans see legitimate quality in them where I don't because the films are aimed at them, not me. MCU films are generally well-made, well-told modern superhero stories that are aimed at people like me who enjoy that sort of storytelling and appreciate what they're doing with them, but of course people who sniff at the genre and the direction it's going aren't going to get much out of them because the films aren't aimed at them. I'd say it's an inevitable result of leaning hard into genre storytelling.

I've not seen the new Doctor Strange yet, though, so maybe it goes off the deep end!

[Raid]

I think the Marvel films are produced to the point where you know what you're getting before you see it; there've been very few that haven't held up to that standard. I'll hazard a guess that the new Doctor Strange is going to be pretty much the same as the rest (although given the theming I guess it'll be even wackier than usual), but it's due to be released on Disney+ next week so I'll make my mind up then. The first was one of my favourite solo MCU films, so I'll be going into it with marginally higher expectations - I'll let you know if they get dashed.

I can understand why people might not enjoy the MCU. They're lots of flashy effects and colours and quips - they're all aesthetic with very little depth. The characters aren't remotely realistic, but I don't see why that's a bad thing - they're superheroes, they're surely meant to be a bit fantastical. But they're almost always fun, which is more than I can say for other entries in the genre. I can happily switch my critical brain off and absorb the explosions and pretty colours. There aren't many film series that regularly let me do that.

[Snowy]

I don't want to even hear the names Batman or Spiderman again in my lifetime.

The latest Batman film is absolutely sensational Todd, in case you have not seen it. Really good film.

IThe first was one of my favourite solo MCU films, so I'll be going into it with marginally higher expectations - I'll let you know if they get dashed.

Shit sorry Chris, I absolutely panned it above Ah well, life would be boring etc...

[Snowy]

Top Gun Maverick

I was never a huge fan of the first film, due mainly to my having gone to college with a flesh-wand of the highest order who fixated on it, styled himself after the Maverick character (hair, clothes, aviator shades etc). Only seen it twice, once when it came out, once in advance of watching the sequel.

As expected, hugely silly, quite a lot of fun, and as my little brother said as we walked out " Just enough homage, stopping short of fromage"

If you have not seen it, it is exactly what you expect it to be. Worth watching though.

[Alan]

Had a week off so we got a few films in...

The Unbearable Weight Of Massive Talent
Yeah, that was pretty enjoyable. Its mostly what you think it is but that's not a bad thing! Young Nick was great and Pedro Pascal played it quite perfect. Good fun! Def worth a watch if you appreciate Saint Nick.

Gun Moll / La Pupa Del Gangster
Sofia Lauren is a prostitute and when she dyes her hair red a mob boss thinks she looks like Rita Hayworth and takes her as his woman. Its hilarious and its awful, there's a lot of essentially woman beating slapstick which shall we say, doesn't land as well as it may have in the past. There's also a lot of stuff that is just funny other than that. I wouldnt say its a great film or a good film but it was an enjoyable watch.

Firestarter 2022
It was ok. Very basic, quick and schlocky. It feels like a late 70's movie made with modern technology and its probably what they were going for. Ive never read the book so I cant speak on that front but it does its thing quite well. It felt like Hanna with fire. It doesn't overstay its welcome which is such an underrated thing in this current bloated movie market.

Modesty Blaise
A 60's female James Bond kind of thing. Its bad bit its entertaining.

Down To Earth
I'll just give you the wiki...
"Terpsichore, one of the Nine Muses of Olympus, is annoyed that popular Broadway producer Danny Miller is putting on a play which portrays the Muses as man-crazy tarts fighting for the attention of a pair of Air Force pilots who crashed on Mount Parnassus. She asks permission from Mr. Jordan to go to Earth and fix the play. Jordan agrees and sends Messenger 7013 to keep an eye on her. Terpsichore uses the name Kitty Pendleton and quickly gets an agent, Max Corkle, and a part in the show. As the play is being rehearsed, Kitty convinces Danny that his depictions of the Muses is wrong. Danny, who has fallen madly in love with Kitty, soon agrees with her point of view and alters the play from a musical farce to a high-minded ballet in the style of Martha Graham"
They don't make them like that any more!

and two rewatches...
Repo The Genetic Opera
Its so cheap, it looks like a bad early 2000's music video crossed with Tank Girl but I love it to bits. It is so rickety, its so daft but it has so much stupid charm. Bill Mosley just chews up the scenery.

Sweeney Todd
Again, love this so much. Its one of my favourite films. The look, the cast, the songs, love it all. Its near perfect.

[Raid]

The Batman

Loved it. I doubt that's much of a surprise,

Just... maybe not quite as much as I was hoping to. It's a phenomenal piece of production design; the cinematography, lighting and direction are absolutely fantastic. I've no doubt that this is the best DC film since The Dark Knight, in fact it's probably in the running for best superhero film full-stop. I just didn't think the villain was all that impressive, and while I think Pattinson did a better job than most were expecting, I wasn't really convinced by either his Batman or Bruce Wayne. Don't get me wrong, I have no issue with his performance, I just feel the character was made by the costume, makeup and sound design, with the exception of his emo haircut. Really the star of the film for me was Selina Kyle.

And while we're on sound design, which was sublime throughout, it's not often I come across a sequence that gives me genuine goosebumps. I really hope everyone who's seen this got to experience it with as good a sound setup as I did, because that Batmobile chase had every hair on my neck standing to attention. The last time I remember film audio having that effect was the sound of Godzilla charging its atomic fire breath from the 2014 film.

It's easily a 9/10, I doubt my minor issues with it stop it from being a 10/10. It's rare that I think a film deserves a 3-hour runtime, but at no point did I feel it was overly long. I really hope it gets the sequel it was obviously setting itself up for.

[Snowy]

I assume you have seen the deleted scene with the Joker?