I Just Watched (Films)

[Snowy]

[Rusty]

Violent Night

A 2022 Christmas movie. Totally silly, basically a kids Santa movie but very adult (gore and swearing)
But, I liked it for what it was. There's even a nod (more of a frantic headbang) towards Home Alone and possibly a sprinkling of Die Hard.

It may even make it to my annual Xmas movie list.

[Alan]

Fucking hell mate, a shorter list would be what you didn't watch..

*cracks knuckles*

A Man Called Otto
Just dogshit to be honest. I'd have thought it would have been beneath Hanks to take such a cliché role. Otto is an old curmudgeon that hates everything and is fairly horrible to everyone and it plays out exactly as you think it will. Every character is a caricature, every plot point obvious and every heartstring played with the subtlety of slapbass. The missus and I both hated it though there were a couple behind us in floods of tears as the lights came up. There was a part at the start where it could have took a turn into a dark comedic route but it never follows it up. All very "milquetoast" as the Americans would say.

Trading Places and The Jerk
The missus hadn't seen, now she has. "You mean I'm gonna stay this colour?!"

Caprice
Doris Day is kind of a James Bond for fashion and cosmetics. Its good and daft with enough laughs to keep it entertaining. Really like Doris, shes a great comic actress and has the smoothest voice that she would be doing Calm narrations were she still with us.

Silver Streak
I didn't realise there was a Wilder/Pryor film I missed. Its not really a comedy but it has some laughs. Theres a murder on a train that only Wilder witnesses and has to go through some very convoluted and completely implausible events to get to the bottom of. Its alright. Its no Stir Crazy or See No Evil but its alright. Pryor is only in it for about 30mins but he steals the show while hes there.

[Sly Boots]

The Jerk is great, underrated arguably. It's almost endlessly quotable. "He hates these cans! Stay away from the cans!"

[Alan]

"Today I found out what my special purpose is for. Gosh what a great time I had. I wish my whole family could have been here with me"

[Sly Boots]

[Raid]

Crank
I'd forgotten what 2000s action films were like. I suspect half the nouns in this were replaced with the word "shit". Took me a little while to give up on any pretence on enjoying it for the craft and just enjoying it for the stupidity. It looks like it's trying to be a bit "arty" with the cinematography, but in reality it's just a scattergun shot of strange angles and cuts.

[Achtung Englander]

OK catch up time here. Going through a lot

Charlie Bubbles
8/10
My review here: https://www.imdb.com/review/rw8708742/?ref_=tt_urv

The Story of Film: A New Generation - Netflix
5/10 https://www.imdb.com/review/rw8724918/?ref_=ur_urv

Blood on the Devil's Claw - Britbox
5/10 Batshit crazy British '70s horror about the devil and a small village paranoia. Its has a great nudie scene of a pretty women - is was the 70s after all.

David and Lisa - Prime
7/10 A very good drama about a growing friendship between two kids in a mental institution

Good Night Oppy - Prime
8/10 A brilliant documentary on the Mars rovers. Really excellent. See it on UHD if you can.

The Angry Silence
8/10 https://www.imdb.com/review/rw8744889/?ref_=rw_urv

Ilo Ilo
7/10 Another good drama about a growing friendship, this time about a young troubled boy and a maid.

Conan The Barbarian (1982)
6/10 Uggghhhhgghhhhh, me Conan. Actually...its OK.

Trainwreck Woodstock '99 Netflix
7/10 A fascinating documentary of how Woodstock 99 became a disaster. Talk about a self-inflicted shit show. Also interesting to see the demographics of the people who went. All white. Mostly men. All bros. Completely different vibe to the 1970 festival. It resulted into a riot of sorts. Says a lot about US society changed.

Into The Deep
5/10 A one sided Netflix documentary on the submarine killing. All the focus was on the killer with hardly any mention of the victim

Escape from Alcatraz Prime
7/10. A thrilling ending. A kind of a rough Shawshank Redemption.

The Last Waltz
5/10. Supposodly the best rock concert filmed (by Martin Scorsee). Overhyped in my opinion. The music by The Band is fine I guess. I preferred the music from Nashville (the film, not the TV show)

Red Elvis - The cold war cowboy - Sky Documentaries
6/10 A film about Dean Reeves, a socialist rock'n'roll artist who found fame in the South America and communist East Germany and found trouble ahead when he fell out with both the US govt and Stasi police. Died in "mysterious" circumstances. Nowadays they just people off the roof and don't care if you know it or not.

[Animalmother]

I tried watching Medieval on Netflix but lost interest pretty rapidly. It follows a group of mercenaries tasked with kidnapping a lords wife in an attempt to instigate some political bullshittery. I think the game Kingdom Come is set during the same time period and historical events.
It's not a bad film per say but it has a mixture of heavily accented European actors speaking English very quickly and I could barely understand a fucking word. Had to watch parts with the subtitles on. I find the sound quality on some Netflix films is just ballhang. On the plus side it is well made and uses real castles and forests for most of the locations. The action is fast and brutal in places, faces getting removed with mace blows and shattered body parts sent flying is a regular occurance.

I'll give it another go at some point when the mood takes me as I think it might actually be a decent film.

[Raid]

Robin Hood (2018)


@ridley.scott@theguywhodirectedbladerunner.com

Mr Scott,

I'm sorry to say that there appears to have been a systems error and the screenplay for Black Hawk Down has somehow become corrupted. For some reason or another it appears to have been accidentally combined with the screenplay for Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings trilogy, which was, for reasons that aren't entirely clear, the next screenplay in the directory. Could you please send us another copy of the screenplay so that we can correct our records.

P.s.: Did Tim Minchin have an unlisted cameo in your film? We're not asking for any particular reason.

[Wrathbone]

I'm trying to figure out which one you watched, because the 2018 film is directed by Otto Bathurst and from the bits I've seen of it is woeful. The Ridley Scott Robin Hood film is from 2010 and is dull as dishwater from memory.

[Raid]

Hah, I didn't even realise that Ridley Scott had done a Robin Hood film. I was literally just riffing on the fact that the 2018 version was such a bizarre mix of films. It's one of the most idiotic, if oddly entertaining films I've ever seen.

[Lenny Solidus]

BackCountry aka Blackfoot Trail (2014)

I have always had a certain affinity when it comes to a group of friends or a newly married couple getting very, very lost deep in the wilderness and the stress and pressures it can put them through. This film is about as straightforward as it gets, a couple out for some bonding style adventuring where things don't go to plan when rations, weather and other such things all begin to work against them to complicate matters. Loving couple Alex and Jenn *Jeff Roop and Missy Peregrym respectively* really sell you on the rawest kind of emotions as they are tested to their limits not only to find a way out while keeping themselves unified enough to actually function but also come across exactly what you might expect to come across so deep in the thick of well, fucking nowhere.

Refreshingly, BackCountry doesn't once rely on any form of cheesy jump scare to keep you invested in their plight to survive and there are some rather surprisingly tense scenes that had me all oh fuck, oh fuck fuck fuck.

7/10

The Cave (2005)

There is a very specific actor in this movie and a very specific universe he is tied to that I would love to go deeper on, but in doing so I would give the whole premise of the movie away. Much like said wilderness movies, I have held a fascination for deep cave diving movies ever since The Descent, which I have watched to absolute death since it first released way back when. Not only does the cast include Cole Hauser who I was once convinced was due to become the next big thing *and now stars in Yellowstone I believe* but also the always excellent Lena Headey. Oh, Piper Perabo also from YellowStone is in it too funnily enough.

Concerning Director Bruce Hunt - as strictly a one time second/third director on other movies such as The Matrix and Dark City it is surprising then that this movie is in fact his ONLY directorial outing, its a valiant effort and really drew me in. A shame then that he has not done a single movie since as I genuinely thought this was pretty great. Claustrophic as fuck and well worth a watch, especially if you are a fan of The Descent.

7/10

To continue the survival trend, my next viewing tomorrow will be The Grey (2011) which I somehow managed to skip over. Very much looking forward to it though.

[Animalmother]

Army of the Dead
Watched this when it first came out and wrote it off as shite. On a rewatch I very much enjoyed it this time round. It's ridiculous and over the top and doesn't take itself seriously, it's also very colourful which are both things you don't usually associate with Zach Sunder movies. On this watch I also spotted the UFO's and robot zombies that I completely missed the first time. It's a strange film.

[Wrathbone]

Lucy

What a monumentally dumb film. 90 minutes of Scarlett Johansson staring blankly to the side as CGI happens around her and Morgan Freeman saying things that might sound vaguely sciencey to a total cretin, with a plot based on a drastic misunderstanding of how the brain works. Even if it was remotely true that we only use 10% of our brain capacity, the film is so lazy that it just hand waves how gobbling down huge quantities of meth to unlock the remaining 90% results in new superpowers every few minutes. For a supposed science fiction film, it's no science and questionable fiction.

I did laugh at how the last couple of minutes manage to achieve a whole new level of "fuck this, I'm done" lazy stupidity:

Spoiler

Lucy becomes one with the universe, leaving Morgan Freeman with a USB drive she made with... stuff on it? For science, no doubt. And she texts the French cop who's been following her round for no reason to say "Now you know what to do".

Which means... what exactly? Do about what about what? I guess it doesn't matter. Fuck it, make your own ending up, because Luc Besson sure doesn't have one!

3/10